I suppose my lack sleep has caused me to be cranky today so allow me to rant.

I received a letter from the university regarding registration for the new semester today. Normally, it's no big deal but here's the "catch". In the letter it stated that registration is from 15 - 31 December 2008. Yes you read right. I only received the f*cking letter today. The date stamp on the envelope said 26/12/08, which means the idiots sent the letter a day after Christmas, with 5 days left for registration.

The postal service...holy crap. It took 10 days....TEN DAYS for me to receive the letter, a letter from a place that is 15 minutes drive from my house. Am I the only one that sees how ridiculous that sounds? Anyway, postal service aside.

This is what baffles me. If I am required to come register between 15 - 31 December then shouldn't I be notified of this BEFORE it starts, like maybe in the first week of December, if not earlier? What the f*ck are they thinking, or rather NOT thinking?

Oh wait there's more. It gets better. Apparently there is now a new ruling that those who register late will be penalized RM50. So tomorrow I get to go over there and possibly have a "interesting" argument with somebody over this. I refuse to pay the so-called fine for the incompetence and stupidity of these f*cking idiots.

Wish me luck.

I woke up today, realising what date it was. Don't get me wrong, I know its December 31st but it suddenly hit me that today is the LAST day of 2008.

Throughout the day, even when I was at church (attending a friend's wedding), I wondered what I should be writing about and came up with nothing other than the whole too-cheesy-corny new year's resolution list. Looking back at my resolutions for this year, I think I've only accomplished a few.

2008's Resolution

1) Graduate in August, which means finishing the thesis - FAILED miserably unfortunately

2) Be a better lover (and I don't mean sexually you perverts) - Ermmm...I don't think I can answer that one for myself.

3) Lose weight YEAH RIGHT - who am I kidding? - Lost a little, gain back a ton while bingeing like a freak in the States and lost a little from being sick so much.

4) Be more patient but not stupidly patient - Think I've been more patient than I expected I can be.

5) Stand up for myself more - SUCCESS! My greatest accomplishment is of course (figuratively speaking) bitchslapping a "friend" for being a narcissistic prick early this year.

6) Maintain a good relationship with the parents - Think I've been able to do that (minus the stupid little arguments but still I think I did good) so SUCCESSS!

7) Erase selfish inconsiderate people from my life - SUCCESS! Life is so much peaceful now.

8) Watch less nonsense tv, read more - 50/50. FAILED. We all know I can never stop watching Spongebob Square Pants. SUCCESS because I honestly have been reading more than I used to. Now, whether I've read more than I watched nonsense TV, that's another issue that I shall refrain from discussing because you all know the answer. HEH

9) Own new gadgets - better digital camera and mp3 player - FAILED because I couldn't make up my mind and wanted to save more money. Now my camera is going a little cuckoo on me.

10) Appreciate the simple things in life more - SUCCESS. And yes honey, I appreciate my stationary stash as well as the box of color pencils you bought me.

All in all, I guess I can say 2008 has been a year of challenges for me and in its own right has made me a stronger person. The best moments of 2008 was definitely spending 5 weeks with Rob, and enjoying life together.

I better sign off now. Rob will be coming online soon and I have a wedding reception to attend later on.

Lastly, stay safe and have Happy New Year guys!

Apologies for the absense. I have been sick, yes you read it right.

Been sick for a few days now. I was out and about one day, and by the late afternoon I was starting to fever a little. When night came I was shivering like it was winter in Chicago. The highest temperature I remembered getting was 39.4C or 102.9F. The next day I drove my sorry ass to the clinic.

Diagnosis: Sinus AND throat infection. Have a merry Christmas.

Basically I was in bed for 3 about days, loaded up with meds. I am feeling a bit better now, seems that the fever is gone. *cross fingers* My sinus is still bothering me, giving me the occasional between-the-eyes headaches and whatnot. I still get tired easily.

Anyway I just wanted to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas and have a wonderful New Year.

Disclaimer: Blabbering ahead

Lately I've felt as if humans have lost their sense of goodness. With all the bad things happening, sometimes it's quite depressing to see and worse, feel, especially when you're in that situation itself.

I have to sadly say that I have lost faith on many people. It really is a sad thing to admit but at the same time it's something I can not ignore. Maybe I'm becoming more of a cynic every day. People who know me personally know that I'm a pretty straightforward person. But I don't always say what I think.

At times it's hard to decide what to say to some people. It's like what they're doing is wrong and I would love to do nothing more than to give them a piece of my mind. More often than not, I don't. I keep it to myself. Why? Because another part of me is thinking it's none of my business. It's not my place to be judgemental. But then again, if I don't say anything these people will keep repeating what they're doing wrong, and thereby hurting people around them.

It's not like I always have to be right or that I'm being self-righteous. It's about the principle. I play by the rules so to speak, while others get away with their wrong doings because nobody bothers to say something or because they too, are like that. In the end, guess who looks like the "evil" one?

This is where there is a clash inside my head. I know, it sounds really bad, like I'm schizophrenic or something. It's basically like there are two personalities in me, clashing with each other, fighting their way into my mind, thereby controlling my actions and whatnot. Most of the time I keep my mouth shut and be polite and civil, even to people I truly dislike. Many times I resent myself for that. I resent not standing up, not just for myself, but the general principle of goodness. Many times I wish to give up on these people. Many times I shrug it off like it's no big deal but deep down, it bothers me.

Just because I bite my tongue or don't say anything, doesn't mean I don't know what's going on. My gut feeling is rarely wrong and that's why I always trust my gut feeling, my instinct. Plus, people like to talk and many times something slips outta their mouths. So if you think you're so smart and I can't figure it out, think again.

I'm not saying I'm an angel and never talk about people, we all do and I'm no exception. However, I don't go around spreading half-truths or half-lies (however you want to see it) to make myself look good. That is very unethical and cowardly.

You're probably thinking why not just cut ties with these people. My response to that is, I still hope. I am nostalgic of what was once a real (at least for me) friendship. At the end of the day though, I always hold on to that glimmer of hope that some day these people will be better. I don't expect them to change, at least not for me. I just hope that they will stop destroying the relationships around them, particularly relations with me.

I'm not saying I'm oh-so-great with deeply rooted values or anything like that. I'm nowhere near perfect. I've made my fair share of mistakes and in most cases I've made my peace. It's just depressing how some people are. It's times like this that I'm not very sure what to do or say. Again, two personalities are clashing in my mind. Which one do I listen to? My foundation feels pretty shakey right now.

I do know that I can't change who I truly am inside, in terms of personality and whatnot, and I refuse to change my principles to cater to others especially when they are not worth it. I end this post with something Rob wrote a couple years ago for our Digital Soulmates blog. It basically discusses a lot of thing that I've been feeling.

"Everything from the simplest friendship, to a life long marriage, needs a solid foundation to work. It's like building a house, you just can't do it without a good foundation to build on. In a relationship, any relationship, from friendship on up to life long love, you need the fundamental elements.

I'm not talking about superficial things. The fundamental elements of a relationship is not "wow, she's cute" or "he looks hot in those jeans". The foundation begins with you. Ok, so you think someone is attractive, great, how much do you know about them? How much do you know about yourself? Are you the kind of person that you can believe in? Do you have solid fundamental values & ethics that guide you in life? Are those values & ethics morally correct? Does it make sense to have those values, does common sense back your ethics up?

Some people don't have deeply rooted values &ethics. Some people don't have core beliefs. Some people live a reactionary lifestyle, adopting and forsaking values & beliefs when it's convenient to them, or helps them fit in with who they are with at the time. Too many people don't know who they are inside. How can you share your life honestly, if you don't know what you believe in? We all have different friends, with different interests and so on. If someone tells one friend that they believe in something, and then tells a different friend something completely to the opposite... then neither is true, and that person has lied to both friends.

Trying to gain the acceptance of others by faking to be someone you are not, is not honest. It's not honest to you or them. Trying to be popular by claiming certain values or beliefs that you don't truly believe in, is fake, and when those beliefs are tested, your weak foundation crumbles. Honesty, or at least simple truth, is a major part of the foundation of relationships. Without the foundation of honesty, there is nothing on which to build the trust."

I know I'm super late on my posts about my trip but I really don't have a lot of time nowadays, with being sick and all. I cannot afford to spend hours looking through pictures and organising them and then resizing them and then uploading them and then pasting the html codes and then writing the post itself. So what I do is do a little bit at a time. When I get tired of working on the thesis I spend 10-15 minutes here and there to sort out the pictures.

So here's another post about my recent trip. Go get a cookie and come back so the pictures can load up.

Lincoln Park Zoo is one of the few zoos left in the US that's free. Since it's free, cheapo me made it one of the things to see in downtown Chicago. Rob and I took the train downtown, got off a station which I have totally forgot the name of and walked oh, I don't know, about 13 blocks (right honey?) to the zoo from the train statio we go off. My legs got tired even before we reached the zoo! *glares at Rob but oh-so-lovingly* :P

These are pictures taken along the hike to Lincoln Park Zoo.






This is probably the MOST gay-est statue I have ever seen.

Eventually we reached the park that was connected to the zoo. Many trees were wrecked from a storm a few days before. Rob and I happened to catch the tail end of it while we were out shopping at the time. I think we were at Premium Outlet Stores in Pleasant Prairie, Wisconsin.




Victim of very strong winds


The view of the city from the park


Broken branch from lightning I pressume




I blew a sigh a relief as we reached the zoo. The trek there was starting to make me feel like we were lost or something. Anyway, I was eager to check out the animals and seeing as it is a free zoo I didn't have much expectations on the zoo. I was surprised at the variety of animals they had.

From lions...






Sleeping lion


Getting peeked at by the same lion


I was lucky to catch feeding time for the lions.



...to birds...





...to camels...





...to tigers...





...to leopards...



...to ducks...



....to flamingos...



...to seals...


Somewhere in that pic is a seal, I swear.

...to my favourite animal...

Which would be the polar bear because it resembles someone I know....



..........



..........



..........



It's Rob! This is basically how he looks like when he's trying to get up for the day. He lifts his head like that, looks at me with eyes half open, sort of like peeping at me then....



....rubs his eyes to get a clearer vision on what's going on, accessing what day it is and then....



....plops his head back down and goes back to sleep.




This shows how large a polar bear's paw is.

The zoo even allowed a "Robear" to roam around the place with a red backpack (it's mine). HEH



Behind the zoo itself is a little park, with lush green grass and colourful plants. It was quite a sight.











Oh how I love the vibrant colours and fragance of lillies and it does help that they are oh-so-pretty too!

















Last but not least, more camwhoring...





That's it for today. Will write soon. Until then, have a great weekend everyone.

Need to vent out some frustrations. If I start blabbering nonsense, my defense is the "drugs" I'm on.

I received an email from my supervisor about my conclusion chapter, which he deemed "need lots more work on". He further said;

"Don't be too discouraged by my comments. Look on the bright side. You are getting there... :))"

The thing is, as vain as this may sound, I was (keyword:WAS) quite happy with my conclusion chapter. I even had an original diagram that I came up with that explained the whole thesis itself. I thought it was pretty good. I was proud of it. I was proud that I could come up with something like that.

Not anymore...

Discouraged is a total understatement. Lack of confidence is also another understatement.

I'm not mad at my supervisor though. He has been nice and even emailed me several journal articles. I suppose I'm mad at myself for not doing better. I know I'm being very hard on myself but it's not like I can blame anybody else for this bump. This thesis has been many parts of sweat and tears for me in the past 3 years. I wish to get it over and done with as soon as possible. I wish to have one very good night's sleep. I haven't had one since returning from my trip. I miss Rob.

The meds are making me feel like crap. BLEH

Signing out now.

So I thought I was getting better right? Boy, was I wrong. I actually felt a lot better for 2 days after my course of antibiotics. But then my throat started to get sore again on Friday.

By last night, I had a hard time sleeping cause I was coughing half the time and swallowing felt twice as bad as before. I didn't want to take any chances of getting worse and once again lose precious time from sleeping or feeling floaty so I brought my ass to the doctor's this morning.

He seemed surprised to see me. I explained that my throat felt better but two days after I was done with my medication, it started to act up again.

He looked through my chart and the first thing he asked me was "Have you been under a lot of stress lately?"

I answered, "Ermm........yes....heh...." *paiseh (sheepish) smile*

He smiled, as if to indicate that that was the answer to my problems. He checked my temperature, which is normal (and probably the ONLY normal thing about me HAH!), throat and breathing, AND mentioned that my throat is red. I have relapsed.

And now I'm on higher doses of antibiotics, and floaty drugs meds (codeine crap) that will make me feel totally useless and like a pile of goo for the remaining of this week. I can already tell I won't be getting much work done this week.

BLEH.

Now I'm going to go feel useless on my bed.

When Rob and I were on the roadtrip we had some "interesting" conversations along the way. I laugh thinking about them and so decided to share the laughter and weirdness. Me being the smartass that I am decided to test Rob's patience with me. Here are some examples. Enjoy~

S: Are we there yet?
R: No...
S: How about now?
R: No...
S: Now?
R: No....
S: NOW???
R: NO!
S: Why not? Is it THAT far?
R: Honey....you knew this is going to take 6 hours..
S: Ok...
S: How far are we?
R: Honey....we've only been driving AN HOUR!!!
S: Oh ok....

*******************************************************

S: Ummm are we there yet?
R: No...
S: *sigh* Why not?
R: Cos it's far away
S: How far?
R: Ask me in another 5 hours
S: But I wanna know now
R: Eat your gummi bears
S: I did, see? *shows empty container*
R: No kidding

*******************************************************

S: How much farther?
R: We still have a third of the way to go
S: We've been driving a long time!
R: Yeah...
S: Why does it take so long?
R: Cos we keep stopping
S: Oh...then don't stop so much
R: We stopped because you want to take pictures!
S: Oh...ok...then don't stop for my pictures
R:

*******************************************************

Yes, that's right. I'm that immature and weird. Yes, we are a couple of juvenile delinquents, but hey, we're proud of it.

I finally caved in and went to the doctor's yesterday. I came home with an array of coloured meds. My favourite is, of course, the pink ones.

Yes, these are the meds that make me feel floaty. They really knocked me out unconscious 15 minutes or so after taking them. In fact, the dose I took around noon is still making me feel light-headed, even after I fell asleep for an hour.



A throat infection is what I have. I practically lost my voice and hardly ate (for my size ) in the last few days. Today I'm starting to get my appettite back and ate almost half of dinner, which is a good sign that I'm getting better.

Not only do I have a throat infection, I have been hit with the bloody curse, if you know what I mean. In addition to "battling" the worst sore throat EVER, I also have to deal with cramps, REALLY nasty cramps.

Oh what a fun week. Can't wait to see what happens next week.

A VERY sore scratchy throat, stuffed up nose, pounding-between-the-eyes headache, stiff neck, aching body, feverish chills...

I'm wearing two t-shirts, socks and flannel bottoms. I'm still getting chills.

I just wanna crawl underneath the covers.

No updates anytime soon.

*Update Tuesday Nov 18*

Throat hurt so bad that I woke up at 5.30am, after going to bed around 2am (I know, I practically asked for it). I downed a painkiller and went back to sleep, only to be woken up by the stupid dog across the street that wouldn't stop barking around 7am. As of right now, I'm on the verge of losing my voice now. *le sigh*

I just took a couple painkillers so that I can fall asleep tonight. At this rate, I forsee a visit to the doctor's in the near future.

*Update over*

I have been making some progress with editing and adding to the thesis. I must say I am rather impressed but at the same time I'm still weary about my performance. I just try to keep pushing myself.

Today, GASP OMG VOLUNTARILY I went to the library and spent almost 3 hours there. Yes, 3 FREAKING HOURS. Initially the plan was to go to the library to return some books and borrow a couple that I had already looked up the night before. But in the end I came home with 6 books.

WTH....I think I am turning into a geek. Oh Gaaaaaaawd.

Anyway, at the moment I'm TRYING to read a section of a book and after reading it just about 4-5 times I still get this look on my face.

It's mostly economic mumbo jumbo that I totally forgot about. I took an International Economics class during my Bachelor years but seriously, it's been 4 years since that fateful semester. I don't expect myself to remember that crap!

Allow me to give you an example:

Factor shares in output refer to the portions of the total output that are received, as compensation, by input factors...output elasticity is a technical term, measuring the percentage increase (or decrease) in output as a result of 1% increase (or decrease) in an input factor.

Ummm....whaaaaaaaaaaaat?

So as I sit here with this expression on my face , I am at a lost when it comes to these economic jargons. Anybody out there who's an economics theory whizz of sorts willing to help out a clueless, confused, innocent *COUGH* soul?

Today started out like any other day. I woke up in haze and stumbled to the bathroom to wash up. As I wake up slowly from the cold water in my face, I realised something. Today, twenty six years ago I was brought into this world. I checked my phone and found several unread messages, from friends and family wishing me well. I thank you all.

This past year has been such a test for me. Going through a rollercoaster of emotions, I've learned a few things.

I have said this time and time again but I have no idea why I keep repeating my mistakes. I don't know why I put myself in such a vulnerable position for disappointment and sometimes hurt. I learned (once again) that some people really aren't worth my time or effort. I learned that even though I try not to judge people, they so easily judge me anyway. I learned that being nice doesn't always pay and in my case, it hasn't paid in a while.

I learned that even though my mouth may say the meanest things to and about some people, I know deep in my heart I do not mean it. At times I resent myself because I get so pissed off that I can not be mean or nasty to the people who mistreat me. I'm not saying I'm an angel and I'm oh-so-nice. It's kinda like wanting so bad to run that dumb motorcyclist over because he/she is doing 20km/h in the middle of the road but knowing damn well I wouldn't do it.

I learned failure the hard way. Not graduating this year was one of the hardest things I had to endure. Not only did it affect my confidence, it affected me emotionally and spiritually as a whole. At the same time I learned how to get up on my own. I learned that I can be strong after all. I learned that I am not a quitter.

On a lighter side, I learned that chicken, when steamed, tastes so much better when there are some ginger. It tastes even better with ginger AND garlic.

I learned that no matter what, my love for Rob will never change. I learned that our love grows stronger with each bump we face in our relationship journey. I realized just how much stronger our love is after my return from Chicago. I realized that it doesn't matter where we "end up" one day because what matters most is that we're together. I learned that love conquers all, as cliche as it sounds, it is true, at least for me.

I learned that I have already started my journey down cynicism. I am no longer that interested in celebrating my birthday, not because I fear getting old or anything like that. It's because if you think about it, it's really not at all that important. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the wishes and dinners. It's nice to know that I am in the minds of people. What I'm trying to say is, I no longer take my birthday as a special day that needs celebrating. I don't feel the need to have all my "friends" remember my birthday. I don't feel the need to make a list of who remembered or who forgotten. In other parts of the world, it's just an ordinary day and for those who are unfortunate, it's a day of death.

I am thankful, however, to be able to say that today I lived for 26 years. As I am about to continue my journey to the second quarter century of my life, I have learnt many things with regards to this life.

Today, I turn 26. Today, after all that I learned this year, I am still looking for my purpose.

*Many pictures again. Go grab yourself a snack and come back*

Rockford is about 90 minutes drive from where Rob lives. We spent about 3 days there sightseeing and a *little* shopping. Heh.

The first time I visited Rob I was already interested in visiting the Anderson Japanese Garden (AJG) but they weren't open during the winter time. Since it was on the way back from MOA, we decided to stop by Rockford so I could visit the garden.



Entrance fee was USD7 per person but Rob, again, scored cheap entrance tickets from the radio shopping channel. I think it was USD5 for two. Isn't he DA MAN?


Sticker as proof of purchase of entrance tickets

The first thing that greeted me at AJG was this little squirrel. It was just staring at us while we walked by. I stopped to take a picture but it ran and hid among some bushes.



I suppose the whole reason I wanted to go to this garden (and many other gardens/parks at that) was to take tons and tons of pictures. Not that I'm a pro or anything but I'm pretty sure by now you guys probably know I have a soft spot for some version of photography, whatever you call mine. HEH

There was a gate to go through to enter the main compound of the garden. So what did we do?

Yes, we camwhored.











The weather was almost perfect for a day at AJG. The sun was out and the skies were blue, which really makes a difference when taking pictures.








Camwhoring again

This is the zig-zag bridge. By my calculations there were about 8 segment of bridges which I suspect to be correct since the number 8 has the prosperity meaning to it in Asian culture.


I love the Weeping Willow tree.






Koi swimming towards me for food. Too bad I didn't bring food with me.


Garden of Reflection




South Gate - entrance to the Guest House



This is the Raked Gravel Garden. The sand is actually hand-raked so visitors aren't allowed to walk on it.




Main bridge




Pond Strolling Garden



I saw this cute duck swimming in the pond so I figured I would snap a few pictures of it.



Then it swam away from me.



That BASTARD!!!


Pretty butterfly


Posing at the main bridge




Me bugging Rob while he was trying to snap a picture





The thing I was looking forward to the most at AJG was the waterfall. I had seen pictures of it from their website and it was absolutely beautiful. I wanted to take a picture of it myself!



I quite like this next picture. I got lucky in capturing the koi fishes in the picture, considering the fishes were just swimming around, minding their own business.




Remember I said the sun was out?

Imagine the damage I could've done had I owned an SLR. Always wanted one but it's a bit too expensive for me at the moment, being unemployed and all. But I have vowed to myself that once I get a job that pays well, and I am financially stable, I shall purchased one and go CRAZY.



I end this post with my favourite shot from AJG. I love the colour combination, with the lush greens, orange leaves and just the feeling of serenity I get by just looking at the picture. I close my eyes and I can almost hear the water splashing.

TA DA!



AJG is such a peaceful place. I think it's a great place to unwind and relax, and even meditate if you wish.

I could almost feel the energy and grace that exudes in this tranquil place...

The sounds of trickling water drawing one deeper into relaxation...

The breeze that blows in one's face, calming one's nerves...


..........


..........


..........



That is, until Rob and I come along giggling and laughing, and making fun of each other. Then, all the peace and serenity is just...well...GONE.

It then becomes just another playground for us.

Sorry for the lack of words in this post. I have to go get some work done on the thesis.

Short update from yours truly.

Tomorrow is Halloween, the ang mo version of the Chinese "Hungry Ghost" festival/month, you get my drift lah. And what do these angmo go out and do? They wear costumes and knock door to door asking for candy. Hmmm the Cina version is to stay IN the house, AWAY from all the roaming spirits. So what does that say about the angmo's? Yes, they are insane. I'm just being a smartass, don't take me seriously. (Hi honey )

Speaking of the honey, Rob has a new blog up. Yeah I know, like he updates the one his has now often enough right? Well this new blog has some nice features. I personally like the Yahoo smileys. It's so much easier to blog with, as compared to my where I have to type in the html code of the smileys location blah blah blah. Too much work! But at the same time I like incorporating the Yahoo smileys in my post.

His new blog is on Wordpress which I find very fascinating and have wanted to convert over for the longest time but never had the time to do it because it's going to take quite a lot of work on my part. (Whew, that was a really long sentence. Try reading it with one breath. I did, that took work! Heh ). I've linked his blog and the address is http://www.windycityblogger.com/

I've been busy editing chapters and re-reading them. I try to take the criticism as constructive as possible and try to think light of the situation and ALSO laugh at myself for the mistakes I make.

I had a ice blended cappucino during dinner so I will be up for a while. Might as well use this caffeine buzz on the thesis. Til then, have a great weekend all.